Canada has gone from exporting world class comedians to providing America with world class idiots
When Americans think of the exports Canada provides them, I would imagine oil, maple syrup and hockey players are at the top of the list. In the last couple years however, our biggest export has become what amounts to Canadian Shame.
Canada has always provided the United States with great entertainment, there is no doubt about that. Where music is concerned, we gave you Neil Young, Rush, BTO, Gordon Lightfoot and a host of others.
But by far, when it comes to entertainment, out best exports have been our comedians. Dan Aykroyd, Phil Hartman, Leslie Nielsen, Russell Peters, Mike Myers, Jim Carrey, John Candy, even Tommy Chong. The list is impressive and far too long to list them all here.
Unfortunately, in the last couple years we’ve gone from exporting world class comedians to providing America with world class idiots. They’re still funny, but more of a sad, shoot me in the head kind of funny.
First off, you have the little brat everyone loves to hate, Justin Bieber. The shame of London, Ontario. I’m thankful I have no children otherwise I might have had to have him killed. Not just for his antics, but his kiddie-pop music as well. This little boy has been in trouble so many times for acting like a spoiled brat, he makes the child stars of Different Strokes look like angels.
Drag racing, egging his neighbor’s house, assaulting his limo driver, that’s just in the last month. This idiot is apparently so important that CNN feels the need to interrupt important debates to break the news of his arrest(s). Infotainment first as always.
I’m really sick of hearing about the “Beibs”, his behavior and the media that’s probably fuelling it. I’m starting to beilib his parents should have really considered an abortion about twenty years ago. If he were from anywhere else I wouldn’t care, but because he’s from Canada I get to see twice the idiotic coverage of him. Shoot me now.
Next we have Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. The shame of Etobicoke, Ontario. If you really want to know what Rob Ford is like, think of Chris Christie with a hint of whiskey and crack. He might have Torontonians fooled with his austerity to prosperity policies, but he’s not fooling anyone with his monthly apologies.
That fact that he smoked crack doesn’t bother me much, the fact that he lied about it for months does. What really pisses me off though, is that he doesn’t really show much shame or guilt. If he did, he’d have gotten the help he obviously needs and Americans wouldn’t have to see his face on TV every couple weeks to report on what the wacky Canadian Mayor has done this time.
Lastly, we have everyone’s favorite Tea Bagger, Ted Cruz. The shame of Calgary, Alberta. I realize that Cruz was Born in Canada, but bred mainly in the United States. That doesn’t change the fact that he is (gulp) Canada’s son. A son who couldn’t even understand the meaning behind a children’s book.
Unlike Bieber and Ford, I don’t find much humor in his antics. Shutting down the American Government wasn’t funny. Lying repeatedly about Obama or the Affordable Care Act isn’t amusing either. Very little that comes out of his mouth has a hint of truth, but for some reason he continues to be taken seriously by conservatives and the media. Must be that Canadian charm still flowing from his little heart.
Luckily for us and to the detriment of America, Canada will lose joint custody of him soon. At the very least, I’m thankful he doesn’t garner as much attention in Canada as Ford and the Biebs.
Anyway, there you have it. I realize that Canada has given America some trash in the past (Nickelback come to mind), but it dwarfs in comparison to what we’re giving you now.
No need to thank us America, that clenched fist and frown on your face is thanks enough… Are you not entertained?