conservativeLet’s play a little game. First, find a right wing conservative. Now, ask said conservative the following question: Which lie hurt America more – I did not have sexual relations with that woman or Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction?

A true conservative will take a moment or two to ponder this. Seriously. To a conservative, this a tough question, because even if the answer is number 2 (it is), that lie was told by a conservative and therefore may be above reproach. Lie number 1 was told by a handsome, brilliant, Democratic president and is worse for that reason alone.

Have you ever noticed that conservatives really don’t “get it?” By “it,” I mean the way their party treats them. For the past twenty or so years, the conservative party has convinced its own voters that their racist, bigoted and discriminatory practices don’t affect them, they only affect liberals.

Case in point, Log Cabin Republicans. LCR is a group of gay conservatives. I know, weird. But LCR believes that all the crap the right wing says about the LGBT community – homosexuality is depraved, it’s a lifestyle of bondage and from Satan, the Nazis were all gay, AIDS is punishment from God, let gays die off…  It’s not aimed at them. It’s aimed at the liberal LGBTs. They (conservative LGBT) are special.

Do you know a Tea Partier who belongs to a union? Well, their union is fine, it’s our unions that suck all the money out of local economies and are killing the country. Have an African American friend who voted for Romney? Those comments were’t directed at him, they were directed at liberal African Americans. Female conservative relative? If they need an abortion, that’s okay, but goddamn it, no liberal slut is gonna get one.

We can even take it a step further. Let’s compare conservative adultery and liberal adultery.

First, the conservatives:

– David Vitter. Promotes family values, was in the DC Madam’s appointment book, liked to wear diapers during his sessions with hookers.

– Mark Sanford. Promotes family values, has his staff lie to the press about his location-hiking on the Appalachian trail while he is actually in South America with his mistress.

– Newt Gingrich. Cheated on two seriously ill wives, received blow jobs in limos while going after Bill Clinton for playing hide the cigar.

Dick Morris
Dick Morris

– Dick Morris. Toe sucking prostitutes.

John Ensign. Bribery, witness tampering, adultery. Resigned hours after receiving a call from Rick Santorum, telling him he was about to be indicted.


– Bill Clinton. He was a horn dog, we knew it and we didn’t care because he was an effing great president and his wife didn’t kill him.

– John Edwards. Asshole, along the lines of Newt Gingrich.

– Anthony Weiner. Tweeted photos of his penis to strange women, lied to 435 television reporters, still happily married to Huma Abedin.

John Kennedy. See Bill Clinton.

To a conservative, what John Edwards did was 100 times worse than what Newt Gingrich did. Why? Because Edwards is a Democrat. And that is also why if you ask a conservative the original question at the top of this piece, they really will need a minute to answer.

iraqTens of thousands of innocent people died because of Bush’s lie. No one died because of Clinton’s lie. But in the mind of a conservative, Clinton’s lie is more damaging to America, simply because he’s a Democrat. Conservative voters have been convinced that liberals and Democrats are evil personified, and that has worked very well for right wing politicians.

When you can sell the idea that someone else will be hurt by policies, and they won’t, while enacting those exact policies against them, you’re a genius.

This is why it’s impossible to reason with most conservatives. They like the lie, they like being “special,” they like thinking that conservative poor people aren’t affected by conservative policies that hurt poor people. Log Cabin Republicans like thinking when conservatives like Bryan Fischer state that all the Nazis were gay, well, he’s not talking about conservative gay people, he’s talking about “other” gay people.

It makes absolutely no sense to me. None, zip, nada. But there it is. So the next time you decide to attempt a rational conversation with a right wing conservative, remember-they think the only people hurt by their own party are liberals. Then just walk away, humming the theme to “The Twilight Zone.”


  1. Simple explanation: Most “conservatives” are anything but conservative. True AMERICAN conservatives are a dying breed and have been for years. What we have today are selfish regressives, who use nostalgia, misdirections and outright lies to gain personal profit by extortion and fraud.

    • And actual Republicans have long since left the party due to the extremism.
      Some have become Democrats. Most have become Independents.

  2. Actually, you forget option #3: … but Obama is the lyingest President ever. Pivots play into these arguments. I never play the choice game.

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