It's easy to tell Republicans to practice what they preach, but In this case, you definitely don't want to preach what they practice

Jordan HaskinsWe have a sex problem here in Michigan. The Republican base in Michigan has enacted some of the strictest abortion laws in the country, including forcing women to buy rape insurance. Despite losing at the appellate level, Tea Party Attorney General Bill Schuette has spent millions of dollars on fighting to preserve the gay marriage ban that most people in Michigan no longer support.

Every republican candidate in the upcoming election here in Michigan has declared their views on marriage and abortion. The only problem with an obsession about sex is that sometimes that obsession is a result of a candidate’s own sexual fetishes.

Take Jordan Haskins, who is the Republican candidate for the 95th district in the Michigan House. Jordan is just 24 years old. But Jordan has some very bad habits that have put him in jail on several occasions in two different states. Normally, a person’s sex life should probably remain a private issue, but when you run your campaign based on regulating the sexual lives of others, by default, you should expect yours to become fair game as well.

Jordan has a unique sexual habit called cranking. I admit I had to look this up because I had never heard of it before reading Jordan’s arrest record. Cranking involves removing spark plug wires from a car and then masturbating while trying to start the engine. What got Jordan into trouble with this habit is that he really liked to do it while smelling that new car smell.

While in Michigan Jordan broke into vehicles on four separate occasions, on both private and public property, to satisfy his fetish. Before this he lived in North Carolina and has a lengthy record dating back to 2006. He defends his record by saying that he was “young and stupid.” Given that his last offense occurred in 2011, he feels that he has both matured and become much smarter in just 3 short years.

Jordan Haskins dropped out of the race just before the primary presumably due to the embarrassment of the details surfacing about his naughty past. But shortly after the primary he dropped back into the race because he just could’t let voters be stuck with the pro-life, pro-marriage candidate on the democratic side of the ticket.

Jordan Haskins
Jordan’s mugshot and Jordan today (right)

He states on his Facebook page that his opponent will not protect life and that “We also need to return to constitutional principles, one of these is the protection of life. My opponent, as I’ve pointed out has proudly lambasted on her page that she is endorsed by Planned Parenthood.” I am not sure that he understands how “lambasted” should be used in a sentence.

He also has found her pro-marriage equality stance an abomination to the core values he holds so dear. When it comes to gays and marriage he wants his opponent to know that in Saginaw, “We believe in a God who created us in His image and gave us life and breath and everything we have. We believe in life from the moment of conception and we believe that children need moms and dads to raise them for them to turn out normal, healthy young people.”

Despite being raised by a mom and a dad Jordan appears to have become a less than “normal, healthy young person.” Unless “cranking” is the new normal in which case I am making sure my car is locked.

Good luck in the upcoming election Jordan. Should you lose, I’m sure there is an auto detailing business in the area looking for help.


  1. Thanks for the disturbing yet necessary article. GOP and Evangelical types have a habit of telling others what not to do……yet that is exactly what they are usually found doing themselves. ..this fellow is in a class of his own

  2. I thought the mug shot and the picture were two different people. It only takes looking at this young man to tell that he has some “issues”. He went from looking healthy to looking demented. He should be pitied. He needs help.

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