Michigan’s Christian conservative politicians are going to ridiculous lengths to prevent gays from getting married

The Supreme Court’s historic ruling on marriage equality on June 26 has some Michigan Republicans preparing for the coming rapture. Still, other Republican lawmakers are attempting to save civilization by introducing legislation that saves all Christians from ever having to acknowledge the existence of anyone gay. Despite the many problems in Michigan, everything has been dropped so Republican lawmakers can prepare for the end of days and secure their place in heaven.

Michigan’s Attorney General Bill Schuette spent millions of dollars fighting marriage equality despite a clear trend in courts across the country ruling that same-sex marriage was guaranteed under the fourteenth amendment.

Michigan’s infrastructure is failing due to years of neglect and failure of Tea Party Republicans to invest taxpayer money where it belongs. Instead of worrying about public safety they choose to worry about being forced to recognize gays as people, yet they have had no problem with the Supreme Court recognition of corporations as people.

After Schuette lost his protracted battle in the court he quickly went into hiding, presumably to get his affairs in order before the rapture, issuing only a brief 2 sentence response. However, another of God’s warriors soon picked up where Schuette left off and began to battle his demons gays in the State run church Legislature. Republican Todd Courser, quickly posted a manifesto on his campaign website declaring the end of days but oh, by the way, Happy Fourth of July!!

Now that marriage equality is here to stay, Courser wants to dissolve marriage as a contract in Michigan for both same-sex and opposite-sex couples. Along with many other republicans, Courser has taken a step back from the institution of marriage and its government granted benefits enjoyed by opposite-sex couples for decades and decided that government has NO place in marriage period.

Courser states “Right now our mayors, clerks, and judges have to conduct marriage ceremonies and as such have to perform same sex marriages. This can and must be stopped!

Courser puts down the bible for a minute and strains really hard to remember his law school survey course on the U.S. Constitution to stop this requirement. The resulting package of bills would earn him a “D” at best on any law school exam. But never one to be embarrassed by his lack of knowledge, because he is doing God’s work after all, he proudly introduced his answer on the House floor.

The package of three bills amount to RFRA for Marriage” and continue the religious right’s efforts to turn every state into a theocracy. House Bill 4731 provides “90 days after the effective date of the amendatory act… when a person desires to keep the exact date of his or her marriage to a person of the opposite sex a secret, the clergy may issue, without publicity, a marriage certificate to any person making application, under oath, if there is good reason expressed in the application and determined to be sufficient by the clergy” (emphasis mine). House Bill 4733 requires “All parties intended to be married must obtain a marriage certificate signed by their clergy in order to be married.” The final bill makes it illegal for anyone who is not clergy to perform a marriage.

What Courser is attempting to do, even though the U.S. Supreme Court has addressed this very issue, is severely restrict same-sex couples’ right to marry. However, he offers an alternative for all of you “godless heathens” in the form of common law marriage (something that has not been recognized in Michigan for decades).

By allowing only clergy to marry a couple and then permitting members of the clergy to use their “closely held religious beliefs” to deny marriage to a same-sex couple, Courser makes clear that he will do everything in his power to put up as many roadblocks as possible all in the name of religious freedom.

Oh, but he is not a “homophobic bigot,” in fact it is those who fight for marriage equality that are the real forces of evil. From his website: “Every regulatory apparatus of government will be focused henceforth on indoctrinating children and the greater society that same sex marriage is moral and every bit accepted, preferred to traditional marriage. Anyone who disagrees with this new paradigm will be vilified as a homophobic bigot. Some of these activists are the most intolerant viscous hate mongers who will demonize anyone who opposes their tyrannical agenda.”

Bill Schuette, Gays and the End of Days
Image by the MetroTimes

So, everyone in Michigan who wishes to marry someone of the same-sex you are now put on notice. You can have something less than marriage that won’t be recognized by the state or if you can find a clergy member who is deemed by the state to have sufficient faith in God, ans is willing to perform the marriage, then you can have the full marriage benefits of an opposite-sex couple.

However, they can refuse to marry you because of “their closely held religious beliefs” and forget about any deals where it is kept private because only opposite-sex couples are allowed that right. But never fear “traditional” couples because you can head down to your church and marry your second, third or fourth wife in private. Way to prove you are not “a homophobic bigot” Todd.


  1. i just remembered that glenn beck said that he had over 10 thousand of his ministers that pledged they would kill themselves if the supreme court passed same sex marriage!!! have you seen any minister massacures on the news yet??? that confermed my beliefs in these so called evangical jack asses!! it makes me wanna puke, its been 5weeks an haven’t heard a peep out of them!! I was raised to treat everyone with respect an dignity which ive carried in my heart now for 62years,i knew I was gay at 9yrs old,i know what discrimination,harassement,bullied,shunned,feels like, I often think what if I was of a different color an had friends say” that f##@kin N-word” an I was blk?? its still hard to have close friends say “oh that f”in faggot,not knowing im gay.understand what im saying?

  2. First, “mayors, clerks and judges” don’t have to officiate per the nuptials of same-sex couples. The laws in different states differ, to be sure, but no mayor or clerk or judge has to either issue a marriage license or perform a marriage service for a same-sex couple. If they believe that doing so is violative of their “religious convictions,” which it may well be, they can simply offer their letters of resignation and leave their jobs.

    “Religious convictions” and “religious freedom” are too different things. If my oath of office eventuates in my being required to do something violative of my “religious convictions,” I am free to resign my job rather than violate that “conviction.” Hence, my “religious freedom” is not compromised at all. I am free to continue to believe in and act on my “religious convictions.” I just cannot do that and keep my job. Thus, I must make a choice as to which is more important to me.

    What the Religious Right wants is “cheap grace” instead of “costly discipleship.” They want the rest of us to pay the price for the free expression of their “religious convictions.” Sorry, but that bill ends up in their mailboxes, not ours.

    For a crowd that is laughably trying to claim Dietrich Bonhoeffer as one of their own, America’s evangelicals come off as a bunch of wimps. Their “Bonhoeffer-moment” lasted about six seconds, just long enough for them to understand that sometimes the free expression of one’s religious convictions can be pricey and just long enough for them to decide they wanted someone else to foot the bill.

  3. My goodness, what about those members of the clergy who are already willing to marry same sex couples? Will there be a new bill offered that will have them burning at the stake as entertainment during legislative sessions?

  4. The Bible gives the right to own slaves. Will they use that to bring back slavery? Will they outlaw pork and shellfish because it’s not acceptable in the Bible? What about marriages long before Biblical times? Do they deny that there were marriages in preBiblical times? Oh there are so many verses to damn them in God’s eyes.

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